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Channel: Tamara Out Loud » TOL’s 12 Gifts of Christmas!
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TOL’s 12 Gifts of Christmas!

Gifts 5 and 6 are up for grabs today! To throw your name in the hat, leave a comment on this post. (To leave a comment without playing, just add, “No gifts, please!”) I’ll announce the recipients tomorrow evening.

Regular Gift: I review/edit/advise on a post/document/manuscript sample of yours (800 words or fewer) or offer a general critique of your blog.

White Elephant Gift: I send you a tacky Florida postcard.

(What’s this all about?           Gifts 1 & 2            Gifts 3 & 4)

_________________________________________________________

Head is clouded,
Heart heavy.
Choice is before me
And I can run
Away or toward.
Head screams, Hide!
Heart whispers, No.

So I flip on
The soundtrack
For a run toward sanity.
An organ starts
And I begin,
One foot after the other,
Running with new hymns.

Next hymn starts
And I offer thanks
For a beat that falls
In perfect time with stride.
Feet pound moving ground
And I know
That small, rare gifts
Are called treasures.
And the hymn sings,
Soul meets body.

Reflection in glass
Shows woman composed,
Head so still
Above swinging shoulders.
And I wish she looked the same
On the inside.
But I know the truth
Of the mess in her head,
And the hymn sings,
Different names
For the same thing.

I remember the direction
I am trying to run:
Toward and not away.
So I throw up a prayer,
Help.
And the hymn sings,
I will follow you
Into the dark.
And He does,
Even as I run.

So I push on,
Farther than I expect.
And the hymn sings,
I’m a war
Of head versus heart.
But I have covered
The miles with prayer.

And the hymn sings,
Love means
Watching someone die.
I catch sight of Father
Who saw Son slain
For me.
And head and heart
Look together toward Him,
And not away.

***

My gratitude to Jennifer Luitwieler for her book Run with Me: An Accidental Runner and the Power of Poo; to Alise Wright for her book Not Alone: Stories of Living with Depression; and to Death Cab for Cutie for their album Plans. Though you couldn’t have known it, you all ran with me.


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